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【告別情緒化，安心做自己】套書〈暢銷慶功版〉︰你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣＋你不必和每個人都合拍（附贈療癒插畫壓克力吊飾組）: 25*5cm line 2000620058
作者: 水島廣子 | 譯者：楊詠婷
情緒的存在，是為了保護自己。
坦然接受它，給予理解和撫慰，它才不會一直悶燒而引爆人際地雷！
培養「放過力」、善用「低耗能」的巧妙回應，
在人際相處中保持「剛剛好」的距離，就能讓人生更清爽、隨心！
暖心名醫水島廣子【情緒療癒．人際相處】必讀代表作
★感謝讀者好評迴響，暢銷慶功版贈品再進化★
附贈以兩書插畫設計的可愛療癒壓克力吊飾組（一組2個╱5*5cm）
時時提醒你「跳脫情緒化迴圈、停止不合拍糾結」，感受溫暖又堅強的自己！
Ⅰ《你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣：停止情緒化思考、不再與對錯拔河，從此擺脫「地雷型」人設！
你的「情緒｣沒有錯，都是「想法｣惹的禍！
——我也不想那麼愛生氣，但就是管不住自己啊……
——碰上陰晴不定情緒化的人，要如何避免被掃到颱風尾？
情緒，是人類自然的防衛反應。
遇到不合理的對待，你當然可以生氣；面對未知，不安會讓你更謹慎小心。
但可不要掉進「情緒化思考｣的陷阱，讓自己越「想｣越慌、越「想｣越氣！
● 被同事說「你怎麼連這個也不知道？｣，情緒就上來了，很不喜歡自己這麼容易生氣……
● 部屬沒做完我交代的工作就回家了，到底有沒有把我放在眼裡！
● 老公襪子老是亂丟，提醒他還被說不要囉嗦小事，氣死我了！
● 朋友每次都把旅行訂房的事丟給我，這次忍不住發飆了，她竟到處說我情緒不穩定……
● 男友都要隔好久才回line，他是不是沒那麼愛我？好不安啊……
你也會這樣嗎？每當事情亂了套，就容易焦慮、氣憤或沮喪，
被情緒化的龍捲風捲得亂七八糟，但發了脾氣又會懊惱、內疚？
或者，你覺得情緒化會影響工作和人際關係，
所以會忍耐壓抑、要自己正面思考，認為這樣才是成熟的大人？
所謂的「情緒化」，就是一直被困在「情緒高漲」的狀態，無法冷靜地思考與行動。
然而，負面情緒本身並沒有對錯，它只是傳遞心理訊息的信使，
在計畫被打亂、受到衝擊或狀況未明時，提醒我們尋求援助或保護自己。
在暗中搞怪，讓你不由自主膨脹、增殖這些情緒的，
是各種對號入座、放大解讀的「被害者意識」，
以及因自我肯定感低不足對「正確」、「應該」所抱持的執念。
認為「對方瞧不起自己｣、氣惱「只有我這麼倒楣｣、堅持「所有人都應該做到｣……
這些「情緒化思考｣會使我們偏離原本的問題、造成溝通的障礙，
而且重點是，對方不痛不癢，受苦的只有你自己！
想要解開人際相處中的情緒糾結，
首先就要接納這些情緒是自然而有用的，坦承自己陷入了困境，
才能有智慧地活用這些情緒症狀，努力應對眼前發生的事。
人際關係療法專家水島廣子醫師，以可親、精準的剖析，
說明「情緒化｣的成因，以及跳脫「情緒化思考｣迴圈的方法，
當你理解自己的情緒、感受到自己的堅強，就能學會讓情緒守護你，而不是困住你。
【拆除情緒地雷，先知道這些事】
◎ 「情緒化」的背後，是「不想被輕視」的心情
◎ 「有智慧地活用情緒」，不等於「正面思考」
◎ 成熟不是「忍耐和壓抑」，而是「說明與傳達」
◎ 寫「好友筆記」，換個視角療癒受傷的自己
◎ 找出自己的「情緒地雷」，「刻意」繞過引爆區
◎ 關閉「應該」模式，從「想要」開始出發
◎ 傾聽對象要找「同理」的人，而不是「共情」的人
◎ 不是無所顧忌、有話直說就叫「真性情｣
Ⅱ《你不必和每個人都合拍——在人際相處中保持「剛剛好」的距離，安心做自己》
面對「不合拍」的人，真的好困擾……
◎自作主張、隨意論斷的人 ◎情緒反覆、心思難測的人
◎打探隱私、愛下指導棋的人 ◎態度高傲、強詞奪理的人
◎步調不同，相處起來很累的人 ◎沒有理由，就是親近不起來的人……
過度依賴、缺乏共識、一相處就渾身不自在……
職場上、朋友圈，甚至是親人之間，
面對「不合拍、不對盤、處不來」的人，
不必強硬逼退、又不願委屈迎合，是否還有別的選擇？
我們之所以會覺得某個人「不合拍、不對盤」，
是因為對方讓我們產生了「無法控制的感覺」，而不能輕鬆地「做自己」。
我們難以掌握對方的言行和事態的發展，無法確定對方能理解、接納我們。
更糟糕的是，我們還會認為自己有這種針對性的反感，是因為個性太差、心胸狹窄，
結果形成「討厭別人」也「責怪自己」的複合式情緒污染，承受更多壓力。
不想被「不合拍」的人擾亂人生，
就要擺脫「無法控制的感覺」，取回對現狀的主導權，
而第一步就是先告訴自己：現在覺得「不合拍」也沒關係。
真覺得跟誰處不來，就坦然接受現實，才能停止糾結；
如果還無法自在地面對那個人，就暫時避免接觸；
就算不擅察言觀色，總會找到適合自己的方式結交朋友……
就像打網球，只要挑有把握的球回擊，失誤球就「放過」，
在人際關係中，我們也不必要求自己面面俱到、或是立刻反制還擊，
而是要先照顧好自己的心情，再視狀況成因決定用什麼方式、花多少力氣回應。
人際關係療法專家水島廣子，直探人際相處中的困擾源頭，
並針對各種「不合拍」的情境提供因應之道，
把問題留在對方的領域，不讓自己的情緒被捲入波及。
唯有在彼此之間拉開適當的距離、不再互相牽制，
我們才能對自己的人生「獲得掌控感」，有餘裕向前邁進，
也才有機會和不合拍的人重建更理想的互動。
〈水島醫師的【退治不合拍之人】處方箋〉
遇到對自己指手劃腳、隨意論斷的人→只要回答：「是喔，原來你是這樣想啊。」
——將對方說的話，留在「對方的領域」——
每個人都有唯獨自己才了解的「領域」，當別人對我們指手劃腳，就等於是「侵害了我們的領域」，我們自然會惱火，認為對方沒有資格自作主張。
會侵害他人領域的人，幾乎都是在「自我領域」不受尊重的環境下成長，他們的身邊只存在著強勢專斷者，所以完全不懂得要「尊重他人的領域」、「對自己的領域負責」。
面對這樣的人，最好的做法就是劃清界限，明確地把「對方說的話，都當成是『對方的領域』裡發生的事。」
例如，當對方擅自論斷「你真是小氣耶，出去玩都不揪一下。」只要回答：「是喔，原來你是這樣想啊。」重點就在於，不要洩漏「自己的領域」裡的任何訊息。無論喜歡或討厭，都不要說。
換言之，對方只是在「他的領域」做出了某種論斷，和「我們的領域」沒有直接的關係。將這個狀況看成是發生在「對方的領域」，不要對號入座，我們就不會成為當事者，而能從容應對。
作者
水島廣子
精神科醫師，現為人際關係療法專科診所院長、慶應義塾大學醫學院兼任講師（精神神經科）、人際關係療法研究會代表負責人。慶應義塾大學醫學院畢業、同校研究所醫學博士課程修畢，是日本「人際關係療法」領域的權威，致力於將此療法導入臨床應用並普及推廣。2000年6月至2005年8月，並以眾議院議員身分積極修正兒童虐待防治法等眾多法案。
著有《你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣》《你不必和每個人都合拍》《別讓「應該｣框住你的人生》《自我肯定的奇蹟》《女子的人間關係》《給不小心就會太在意的你》等書。
譯者
楊詠婷
輔大大眾傳播系畢業，曾任出版社日文編輯，現為專職譯者、選書企劃。譯有《上班時，別演太多內心戲》《你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣》《與其急著讀空氣，不如先讀懂自己的心》《別讓「應該｣框住你的人生》《你不必和每個人都合拍》（仲間出版）《給不小心就會太在意的你》等書。
水島廣子
精神科醫師，現為人際關係療法專科診所院長、慶應義塾大學醫學院兼任講師（精神神經科）、人際關係療法研究會代表負責人。慶應義塾大學醫學院畢業、同校研究所醫學博士課程修畢，是日本「人際關係療法」領域的權威，致力於將此療法導入臨床應用並普及推廣。2000年6月至2005年8月，並以眾議院議員身分積極修正兒童虐待防治法等眾多法案。
著有《你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣》《你不必和每個人都合拍》《別讓「應該｣框住你的人生》《自我肯定的奇蹟》《女子的人間關係》《給不小心就會太在意的你》等書。
譯者
楊詠婷
輔大大眾傳播系畢業，曾任出版社日文編輯，現為專職譯者、選書企劃。譯有《上班時，別演太多內心戲》《你可以生氣，但不要越想越氣》《與其急著讀空氣，不如先讀懂自己的心》《別讓「應該｣框住你的人生》《你不必和每個人都合拍》（仲間出版）《給不小心就會太在意的你》等書。
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4.6 ★★★★★
Based on 1532 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 4
Enchanting
Format: Kindle
"Queen of Roses" by Briar Boleyn is a delightful and refreshing reimagining of the classic tale of King Arthur, with a captivating twist that places the spotlight on Morgan, a character who has often been overshadowed in traditional retellings. Boleyn's creative decision to shift the narrative perspective to Morgan breathes new life into the story, offering readers an intriguing and compelling look at the Arthurian world from an entirely different angle.
One of the most commendable aspects of this book is its incorporation of Fae elements, which adds an enchanting layer of magic and mystery to the already familiar Arthurian setting. Boleyn skillfully weaves the world of the Fae into the narrative, creating a captivating backdrop against which the events of the story unfold. This addition not only adds depth to the world-building but also provides ample opportunities for twists and turns that keep readers thoroughly engrossed.
However, while the book boasts numerous strengths, it does have one noticeable flaw: the characterization of Morgan. While it is reasonable to create a flawed and complex protagonist, it appears that at times, Morgan's character becomes overly difficult and hard to relate to. Her persistently negative perception of one of the main male characters, who is a potential love interest, despite his efforts to support and assist her, may come across as somewhat irrational and could test the patience of some readers. Striking a balance between a strong, independent character and one who can recognize genuine support and affection could have enhanced the overall reader experience.
Nonetheless, the allure of "Queen of Roses" lies in its innovative approach to the Arthurian legend and its skillful blending of fantasy elements into a familiar narrative. Boleyn's evocative prose draws readers into a world where magic, destiny, and fate entwine, leaving us eager to uncover the mysteries that unfold within the pages.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2023
★★★★★ 5
An action-packed dark romantasy
Format: Kindle
I loved this book! Queen of Roses is an Arthurian-inspired dark romantasy that is the first book in the Blood of Fae series. The story follows Morgan, the princess of Camelot who is rumored to be part fae. Fueled by prejudiced hatred and a mistrust of fae blood, Morgan’s abusive father strips her of her birthright and hands it to her half-brother, Arthur. Instead of becoming queen, Morgan is commanded to join the temple of the goddesses when she comes of age.
However, Arthur turns into a psychopathic, power-hungry, fae-hating king as he ages. He develops malevolent plans and commands Morgan to find an ancient weapon with legendary power. Although Morgan is wary of Arthur’s intentions, she embraces the opportunity to go on a journey and potentially change her fate.
The story picks up from there and we follow Morgan on her quest to find the ancient relic. It’s full of high stakes adventure, mystery, tension, banter, forced proximity, hidden magic, self discovery, and betrayal. This first installment of the series intricately develops the world building and character development. There’s little romance in this book, but it is evident that it is a slow burn that will continue to develop throughout the remainder of the series.
Overall, I loved the world building, the epic fantasy, Morgan’s journey of self discovery, and all of the twists and turns that set the stage for the future installments. I can’t wait to see what happens next!
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Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2024
★★★★★ 4
Arthurian Fae Quest…say less.
Format: Kindle
A fae centered Arthurian tale unlike any I’ve read so far. The author did a great job at descriptive world building, with scenes easily playing out in my minds eye. There was plenty of action, suspense, and even a touch of horror. An enemies to lovers, slow burn romance, a quest, with plot twist and turns aplenty. There was a love triangle, which I’m not usually a fan of but, it played out well in this story line. The FMC, Morgan Pendragon, was so blatantly naïve, yet I typically expect as much in a ‘book one’ of a series, especially one that features a fairly sheltered princess. I was happy to read that in spite of this, she still showed a strong sense of morals, fire, and spine. Now our MMC? Kairos Draven, aka Void’s Edge. Oh, how I’m a sucker for a smoking’ hot grumpy warrior alpha with a witty mouth, and a strong sense of “touch her and die” attitude, so you know who held all my cards. That ending? Just made me swoon all the harder. Now add a battlecat that rivals the size of a horse…and well Ms. Briar Boleyn you have well and truly stolen my heart. I’m excited to see where the story goes from here, and follow along to see more of the characters growth. I went into this story fairly blind, and I think I enjoyed it all the more because of it.
Once the story got going, it had me in an absolute chokehold and it was difficult to put down.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 12, 2024
★★★★★ 3
Not a bad start
Format: Kindle
3 stars
Thank you Netgalley and Briar Boleyn for the ARC!
A camelot/king Arthur retelling with fae. I was hooked by the idea of this book immediately and was eager to jump into this world.
• slow burn
• enemies to lovers
• who did this to you
Morgan Pendragon watched her mother die by her father's hand when she was just eight years old, hiding under the bed. Morgan is believed to have the tainted blood of the fae in her veins and is cast aside so that her fathers illegitimate son, Arthur, can become the king. She's seen his cruel treatment of the fae firsthand, so when he sends her on a journey to find a fae weapon she seizes the opportunity to do more with her life. Along the way, she finds more than she could have imagined.
I don't know a whole lot about King Arthur and Camelot but I had a lot of fun with this story! The plot has some similar tropes to popular romantasy books (From blood and ash) but there's enough originality here that it doesn't feel like I'm reading a copy. I liked how the fae were different in appearance than what is typical in most fantasy books I've read. In this book they have blue hair, violet skin and a wide range of other characteristics. I thought that the world building was easy to follow and I could easily immerse myself into this world. After reading the blurb I kept wondering when she was going to go on the journey to find Excalibur and it doesn't happen until around the 45% mark.
The story is a bit slow at times but starts to pick up once they begin their journey to find Excalibur. The John Wick style Inn was a fun concept that I enjoyed reading about.
There are a lot of similarities to this and FBAA and I would have liked to have it be a little more different, but I'm hoping book two will have the story turn into something of its own. Overall I enjoyed reading this story and I'm looking forward to reading book two especially after that ending.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2023
★★★★★ 5
Unraveling Fate and Fae: A Captivating Journey in "Queen of Roses"
Format: Kindle
"Queen of Roses" by Briar Boleyn is a dark fantasy romance that masterfully combines elements of myth, magic, and romance with a captivating King Arthur retelling infused with a Fae twist. From its intricately woven plot to its compelling characters, this novel delivers an immersive reading experience that will leave readers eagerly anticipating the next installment.
At its core, "Queen of Roses" is an enchanting tale of forbidden love and destiny, featuring an exceptionally slow-burn romance that ignites with the intensity of an enemies-to-lovers trope. Against a backdrop of magic and mythical creatures, the story unfolds with tension, banter, and forced proximity, drawing readers into a world filled with love, friendships, self-discovery, and betrayal.
While the novel excels in world-building, character development, and plot intricacies, some readers may yearn for a bit more fire and spice in certain aspects of the narrative. However, the promise of future developments in the series offers hope for an even more dynamic and engaging story to come. I know I personally cannot wait to get into book 2.
With a cliffhanger ending that leaves hearts racing and minds reeling, "Queen of Roses" succeeds in immersing readers from start to finish. Its dark and twisted fantasy elements are expertly balanced with moments of adventure, action, and unexpected twists, keeping readers on the edge of their seats until the very last page.
As the story delves into complex themes and explores the depths of its characters' struggles and desires, it's important to note that "Queen of Roses" may contain triggering content. Readers are advised to check the trigger warnings before diving into this captivating tale.
Overall, "Queen of Roses" is a must-read for fans of dark fantasy romance, offering a mesmerizing journey that will leave readers eagerly anticipating the next chapter in the series. With its lush prose, intricate storytelling, and unforgettable characters, this novel is sure to leave a lasting impression on all who venture into its enchanted world.
I want to extend a heartfelt shoutout to the author for granting me the opportunity to dive into "Queen of Roses" through NetGalley. It has been an absolute pleasure to explore the captivating world and characters crafted with such skill and imagination. Thank you for entrusting me with this glimpse into your enchanting world.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2024